I've actually forgotten this space of mine. There's so much platforms to 'socialize' on this virtual space,from the long-forgotten Facebook(which most people don't really use to interact with friends already) to twitter which you could voice out thoughts under 150 words and to Instagram which everyone uses as a platform to showcase their embellished lifestyles from #foodporn or their #OOTDs.

Admittedly I liked myself more on online platforms but in recent months,I realize how unhealthy it is for the self esteem and mind. I realized I used these platforms to 'market' myself into someone I would like to be rather than expressing myself and using these platforms to store memories.This shouldn't be the case but this is slow lateral poison which influx people of this generation.The sad part is that not many people acknowledge or recognizes that this is extremely detrimental.

Virtual space gives us the power to be someone whom we are not but at the same time,it gives us a false inflation of our own ego. 

Take Instagram for example,it is meant to be a photo sharing app but it has become a marketing tool these days. Both commercial and non-commercial usages. Look at all the #ootds and sponsored posts promoting brands and merchandises/services. Ultimately the goal is to get people like you and me to purchase these items. And tada,what some of us will do is jump on the bandwagon and post the items they bought. Like hey everyone,I have this item too. I ate this particular meal at this restaurant too. I'm using this brand of lipstick too. I have this brand of handbag too.

All these are done to boost the ego and create a false sense of happiness. 
What companies and corporation get : extra cash inflow/monetary benefits
What you get: That product or service which you might not even want in the first place if you hadn't seen it 

I really miss that period where people use social media to share about their life but not to market things or impress others. 

 


 

能不能和你再做朋友？

There's a rough estimate of 2.5 months to go. Or even lesser because of public holidays. How does feeling free feels like? I know a part of me will be fucked by nostalgia when everything ends. I'll end up missing people and feeling even more lonely.

Small talk made me happy but they ended up making me feel vasts of emptiness because I was unable to connect and re-create that level of emotional intimacy I had with you years ago. It was difficult for me to show the raw bits of myself to him or anyone else because that amount of faith I had was taken away from me once and I'm unwilling to have it taken from me away again.

 I've always been afraid of uncertainty and its always been a big challenge when it comes to connecting me with another individual; be it platonic friendship or something else.

It's 2015 and yet another year has passed. It's now 12.45am and I'm not even half done with my Hong Kong Disneyland case study report. I'm taking a break because I feel frustrated from all the readings I did today. So yeap,I'm jumping on the bandwagon doing a blogspot about the new year.

2014 wasn't a boom-bangz kind of a year. Things were pretty much okay. I didn't really bond any close friendships with anyone unlike 2013. I guess I'm still the same old me when it comes to friendships,refusing to give parts of me until that person is worthy of my trust and time. 2014,my anxiety and insomnia problems were back. From sleeping to 1am in 2013,I slept mostly at 2am or 3am in 2014.

2014 I questioned a lot of things about myself and people. I did make a constant effort to keep up with certain friendships but I realized people were constantly changing and sometimes their life values and yours change and you have no idea to drop the friendship or continue because of the past.

I lived life in a okay,let's get this over and done with,lets just survive attitude. Not good I know. I hide behind shells and I don't know,I suppose I was afraid to let people know the real me. I want to be a more authentic me in 2015. 

2014 was filled with so much negative emotions. Mostly anger and loneliness ate at me. I got frustrated with myself many times,wanting to reconnect yet afraid. 2014 I tried too hard to prove things which I don't need to.

I'm still grateful for the many wonderful people in my life and I hope 2015 will be a better one! I hope people around me will stay healthy and happy! Here's some pictures of my loved ones! :)

Blessed 2015 to all!

I stopped blogging on this platform for quite some time. It made me almost shameful to look back at some of my blog posts. I didn't quite like the person I was. Or maybe I still am.

I hated how philosophical and boring I am in some posts. I hated how superficial I am in some posts. But then again,that was me. I wanted to blog again on this platform when I am a better person. I do not know what is defined as better but I guess I am trying.

I am on a hiatus. Hope you are doing well. 
Whoever you are reading this,I'm good and I hope you are too.
I will be back someday.

And I was always injuring myself with my politeness. I didn't know how to stop people from influencing me with their negativity. I didn't know how to say stop,I'm tired. Because for me it was an obligation to help someone heal when they are injured. It is my duty as a friend. 

I got angry at myself during tutorial today. For not being brave enough to say I had enough. For wallowing in self pity when I am the one who didn't know how to stop someone because I was afraid they will be hurt. Hurt by my words. Hurt by the fact that I am letting them know I am weary. 

And for once I felt like someone noticed.