There's a rough estimate of 2.5 months to go. Or even lesser because of public holidays. How does feeling free feels like? I know a part of me will be fucked by nostalgia when everything ends. I'll end up missing people and feeling even more lonely.

Small talk made me happy but they ended up making me feel vasts of emptiness because I was unable to connect and re-create that level of emotional intimacy I had with you years ago. It was difficult for me to show the raw bits of myself to him or anyone else because that amount of faith I had was taken away from me once and I'm unwilling to have it taken from me away again.

 I've always been afraid of uncertainty and its always been a big challenge when it comes to connecting me with another individual; be it platonic friendship or something else.

It's 2015 and yet another year has passed. It's now 12.45am and I'm not even half done with my Hong Kong Disneyland case study report. I'm taking a break because I feel frustrated from all the readings I did today. So yeap,I'm jumping on the bandwagon doing a blogspot about the new year.

2014 wasn't a boom-bangz kind of a year. Things were pretty much okay. I didn't really bond any close friendships with anyone unlike 2013. I guess I'm still the same old me when it comes to friendships,refusing to give parts of me until that person is worthy of my trust and time. 2014,my anxiety and insomnia problems were back. From sleeping to 1am in 2013,I slept mostly at 2am or 3am in 2014.

2014 I questioned a lot of things about myself and people. I did make a constant effort to keep up with certain friendships but I realized people were constantly changing and sometimes their life values and yours change and you have no idea to drop the friendship or continue because of the past.

I lived life in a okay,let's get this over and done with,lets just survive attitude. Not good I know. I hide behind shells and I don't know,I suppose I was afraid to let people know the real me. I want to be a more authentic me in 2015. 

2014 was filled with so much negative emotions. Mostly anger and loneliness ate at me. I got frustrated with myself many times,wanting to reconnect yet afraid. 2014 I tried too hard to prove things which I don't need to.

I'm still grateful for the many wonderful people in my life and I hope 2015 will be a better one! I hope people around me will stay healthy and happy! Here's some pictures of my loved ones! :)

Blessed 2015 to all!

I stopped blogging on this platform for quite some time. It made me almost shameful to look back at some of my blog posts. I didn't quite like the person I was. Or maybe I still am.

I hated how philosophical and boring I am in some posts. I hated how superficial I am in some posts. But then again,that was me. I wanted to blog again on this platform when I am a better person. I do not know what is defined as better but I guess I am trying.

I am on a hiatus. Hope you are doing well. 
Whoever you are reading this,I'm good and I hope you are too.
I will be back someday.

And I was always injuring myself with my politeness. I didn't know how to stop people from influencing me with their negativity. I didn't know how to say stop,I'm tired. Because for me it was an obligation to help someone heal when they are injured. It is my duty as a friend. 

I got angry at myself during tutorial today. For not being brave enough to say I had enough. For wallowing in self pity when I am the one who didn't know how to stop someone because I was afraid they will be hurt. Hurt by my words. Hurt by the fact that I am letting them know I am weary. 

And for once I felt like someone noticed.

Recently I've gotten to know someone who's very similar to a friend I knew in the past. As much as I try to tell myself they are two different individuals,sometimes I can't help but to compare them. I see The Old Friend's shadow and it scares me. 

Oh,and some of my friends are in army whereas a majority are taking their national examinations this year. JJ has flew off to Japan for 3 months as well. Some people say the older you grow,the more your friends will be taken away from you. Is that what they mean? 
Year 2 is really mundane and stagnant as compared to year 1 and sometimes a selfish part of me do wish that people would have more time for me. 

I don't really ask for much. Maybe just better concentration in class and peace in my heart. And for myself to love myself more. Demons,they are real. Sometimes they live in you.

Rider's cafe

Okay hi. Decided to go Rider's Cafe with Syafiqah on Labor's Day. I know.. I said cafe food are way too pricey and overrated but it's always interesting to visit new places and take good food photographs lol. We went to Clementi and took a cab to Rider's Cafe because it's located in a super ulu area. Bukit Timah Saddle Club if I'm not wrong.

Taken in the cab. We had a really good conversation with the cabbie. Actually I started the conversation hahahah. I love cabbies with good service lol.

We switched to the window seats because I wanted a view of a better scenery but the smell of horses' poo does get overwhelming. There is no aircon in the cafe which I am really irritated about. ''Eh nevermind lah,countryside feel.'' NOO I WANT MY AIRCON

Tacos and Salted Caramel Icecream with sweet biscuit. I forgot the name of the icecream already. The icecream was normal vanilla icecream lor and the biscuit was awesome. But after a while it makes me wanna vomit because it's too sweet. The chicken tacos was alright I suppose. Love the purple colour thing although I've no idea whats that. I just stuff it in my mouth lol. sorry lah i'm not a very good food blogger lol.

Step food blogger lor. what else hahaha. I just want my air con PLEASE.

 Too lazy to dress up so I just wear a plain black dress and denim vest to cover up the bare back. Trees,it reminds me of permanence. The last time I took a photo with a  tree.. the photographer asked if I was from CHINA. -_-''

OH I FOUND IT. Yeah the reason why we were are smiling so brightly.. it's because we all got mistaken for China tourists LOL. Ever since this photo,I'm really hesitant to take photos with trees LOL.

Bleah actually both of us are going through some tough issues recently and things are really hard for us but I know we both can pull through this shit. Sometimes it's really hard to breathe through it all but I'm glad I have the moral support of many friends.

Okay back to the cafe. We took a cab back to Clementi as well and we specially called a cab because we have no idea how to get out.So transport fee is not really worth it. Imagine like $10 transport fee(not including MRT) and the food is just average. But if you like horses or you got your own car to go then okay lor. But if not,i don't really recommend this cafe. (You can always see horses in the zoo)

Bye! Till next time then. Prolly don't have much time to update due to school and my life is pretty mundane recently.