I totally forgot the fact I have blogger app on my iPod. Don't even dare to count my L1R4 for Prelims as I think the number is too big. Only allows me to go ITE if it's my actual o levels results.

Been feeling so mug angst recently.I really need to buck up. The thought of Wednesday tomorrow really ruins my mood but it's the last Wednesday with double periods so just go bah. And also, study break next week then it's Prelims 2 the following week. Special timetable for the next 3 weeks then it's O levels.

I feel really unprepared. Very scared I will fuck up everything. I always have a tendency of fucking things up. I'm always underachieving in life,damn.

Everyday reach home,bathe and nap. And then wake up dinner. Then do little bit of work and somehow I drag till 12:30am plus or later then sleep. Morning very tired,come back home and the same cycle repeats. Damn.

I feel so much better letting things out here.

How many times have I tell myself to buck up? Fear is really getting to me. Always last minute. I hate you Zhi ling. Urgh.

 Every time I try, there’s a set back. I don’t seem to have the proper motivation anymore. I feel so empty. There’s a big gap in my heart I can’t seem to get closed up. It’s holding me back.

Then you don't have a reason to feel empty anymore

Aren't you the one all along making me feel this way?

If I say you are stability, you are like blocks of them,pushing my fears and insecurities away,bit by bit. Your words bring peace to me like nobody could. You have a way of getting through me,getting through tangles of intricate mixed emotions.

But you're so distant,far far away.

You're also someone lost,wandering to find your way through.

You remind me of stability but alone,you're just a tangled mess yourself.

why? I wonder why too.

Opportunity, take it or leave it?

“Very occasionally - if you pay really close attention - life doesn’t suck.” - Unknown

Hi it's been really long since I last updated. Had my English oral on Friday and I kind of screw it up. I can't even form my sentences properly because I was forming thoughts in my head and trying get those thoughts out at the same time. :/ Oh god why. Just hope the standard will be good enough for a B3 and above.

Oh,and I got offered a place from Temasek Polytechnic, you should probably know this if you followed me on Instagram or Facebook.Still thinking about it,I know it's such a good opportunity and everything but I'm really not sure if that's what I truly wanted. Kindergarden? Kids? Hmm.. Or did I went for DPA for that particular course because it doesn't involve maths and science? -.-

I don't really want to decide my future so fast.. Furthermore,knowing that I got a place,I might slack and not even work hard for O levels.. Did badly for prelims.. Failed Amaths( what's new?) and POA paper 1 by 1 mark. Even Emaths paper 1 did badly.. Did very well for Chemistry though but I don't know the marks for paper 1 yet but it's gonna be pulled down by practicals and Physics.

Lost kid is lost. But no one really cares.

Say hello to goodbye.I know I'm gonna miss you but I'll forget it and let it go.

因為你的悲喜已經有了容身之處， 我也能有最純粹的孤獨

最孤獨的孤獨

 




Left with 3 more papers and I can't believed I survived this week. Tuition for tomorrow will be for emaths and study date with SuanKheng on Sunday. There's no papers on Monday but I got to return to school for extra emaths lesson,preparation for prelims paper 1 the next day which is on Tuesday. There's also POA paper 1 on Tuesday. But after both papers,I'm going shopping with Looi! Can't wait!! I really need to destress.

O level oral in 2 weeks time. 

5 years later,would I be a happier person? Would the people that matters to me now still matter 5 years later? I hope I won't be this aimless and .. lonely.