Sigh.
I never feel so screwed up for exams before.
Never in my whole life.
I hate myself for giving in to negative feelings and laziness and procrastination.

My goal last year.
Be happy,score good grades.

I failed.

I am procrastinating right now.FUCK LAAAA.
LOWZHILING,YOU REALLY SUCK SIA.


I never felt so scared before.
Fear crept in my mind like a monster,devouring each bubble of happiness in me.

I have this tendency to slide towards depression.
I push people away after we get close.
Cause in the end they'll leave.
So what's the point of remaining close only to get hurt in the end?

But I refused to be held back,drag down,or defeated.
Cause I am strong.


September 23 - October 23 [Libra]
From a calender that someone just given, ''The basic Libran nature is diplomatic and charming.Libras have an idealistic and generally peace loving nature.They are easygoing and sociable,in general.On the other side of the scale,Libras are known to be indecisive and changeable,gullible and easily affected.''

Everyone is still there,but they are no longer making appearances in my life.We are drifting apart since this year,some maturing while some remains the same.Everyone that was once a large part of me faded away from everything I once knew.They've faded into the darkness and left with the lights.I've been feeling down and a bit uncomfortable with you,you and you..Everyone I thought I knew so well drifted away into their own heads and are keeping their mouths locked tight.We're no longer sharing stories and keeping in contact as often as we should.I see no effort being put in.We say our simple hellos and ask how the other is doing and that's the end of our conversation.Awkward silences whenever I'm there sometimes,cause I don't have anything much in common to talk about.Sometimes it's like I'm not even important in anyone's lives.I feel so unimportant and insignificant at times.We're growing distant with everyday that passes.

I guess,that's life uh?

Don't think you guys can see this clearly but yeah,this is a photograph of my class in 2010.
Miss 2e3.
Even though it's like 4 months already,I still miss 2e3.
3e2 is so awfully quiet and BORING.
I don't think I'll ever love 3e2.
It's just lessons and lessons everyday.
Boring to the max.
Even the jokes aren't as funny as last year.
We have jokers who create high standard laughter last year.
Tsk,my class?
Boring boring boring max.
Plus there's no one to really motivate me to study.
So I motivate myself.


I don't love 3e2.

How could I even complain about my life last year? How could I ?

I'm signing line with data plan and I'm unhappy.I ought to feel happy cause I'm getting a brand new phone plus I can access Internet whenever and at whatever place I want.Plus I can send unlimited text messages without worrying I'll use up all the money in my phone.
But I'm unhappy.Weird right?
I never had the intention of signing data plan. Which is like $39 per month.
I just wanted the $25.68 one,without any Internet access.
So this was my previous phone if you guys can remember,before the nokia 6300 one.So I choosed this phone,cause it has the qwerty keypad,which is very important to me as I SUCK at using touch phones.Plus I love the colour and it looks like my previous phone.
But damn it,if I didn't buy my ipod touch4,I think I would have gotten an iphone4 instead. :( FUCK LAAAAAAAAA.
My beloved Nokia6300 which dropped inside toilet bowl last year.
Plus I feel like I'm adding on to my dad's financial burdens and if I do badly for MYE,I'll feel really guilty.


I don't want dataplan.

1)I might get distracted in school
2)Which cause me to get poor results
3)Which will make me feel super guilty


As you all know,I cannot control my temptations lor.FUCK FUCK FUCK.

''Be careful what you wish for,it might just come true.''
FUCK I WISHED FOR THE WRONG THING FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Acheivement Day 2011

In 2009,I went for Achievement Day with YangMing,Angeline and some other people as audience.I can't really remember much about it,except the fact that I brought sweets there LOL.

In 2010,I performed as a bimbo for Achievement Day. Frankly speaking,I disliked that role a lot.I could even use the term,hate.I felt uncomfortable doing that role and I couldn't really get into the character.But nevertheless,I had fun camwhoring with a lot of people.HAHA. Plus I ate with NJY and NPL in the canteen after that.

In 2011,it was quite an emotional day.SYF results out.Before the results was announced,it was fear and curiosity that filled my mind.I still can remember that moment when the result was announced, how we screamed for joy,how we drowned in exhilaration.We hugged each other,we shaked hands,we jumped around like mentally-retarded monkeys.Tears of happiness poured out of some of our eyes.People giving mini speeches and thanking who we ought to thank,JinKheng,Mr Ang and everyone.It was the kind of joy that was indescribable.It meant so much,hard work,sweat and determination.Going back for CCA 3 times a week isn't easy,we have to cope with our studies at the same time too.

My only regret today is that I didn't take a photo with you.I didn't had enough courage last year.I didn't had enough courage this year as well,I am kind of angry with myself.

That moment today.Sometimes it's just like fate.
Fate that I met you just so coincidentally.
I wished I was more thick-skinned and accepted it.
But I didn't.

Mixed feelings today.Sometimes,why does things have to change?Why does friendship become bland?Other people can mean a lot to you but you might not mean a lot to other people.Maybe our friendship didn't change,perhaps you moved on,perhaps I was the one who changed and I didn't realize it.

Anyway,I'm really proud of ODDS.Long live towards the walls we crashed through,I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

Drama SYF on 4 April.
Our big day,4 months of tears and sweat and hard work.
Some photos,you gotta tilt your head if you wanna see the photos more clearly.
Hopefully we can get a sliver.
Results out this Friday.
I'm praying for the best.

Today didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be.
I think I failed my Physics test though.
PE was awesome for the first time in 2011,played badminton with Danielle.
First time I sweat so much too.
I was fucking nervous for oral today.
But I was quite confident in front of Mrs Tay,hopefully my acting skills can make it,and she will believe I am not nervous.I talked about CCA again for conversation.1 of the questions LOL.Last year also LOL.

Recess today was awesome.I nearly sat beside him.Yesterday was awesome,I indirectly sit beside him.In the dance studio was awesome.Going to the toilet was awesome cos I saw u. Yes,I went back on purpose.
After oral,went to look for Mr Lim and he taught Heidi,Jiawen and me Emaths.After that,slacked a while at the piano porch with TingJun,Helen and Jiawen.Envied people who can play piano.I shall learn a song someday.It soothes me so peacefully.


<3 Good day today.

And the world keeps spinning and she keeps on winning,but tell me,what happens when it stop?

Because even if you're about to fall apart,even if you stressed out,even if you're angry at everything or anything,even if you just feel like bursting into tears,

the world still continue to revolve. That's what I learnt.

Life doesn't stop for me,time continues to go tick tick tick.

Going to school for SYF rehearsal tomorrow.
SYF performance on Monday,gahhhhhhhhh.


I'll continue screaming silently.
I'll continue walking solo.
But I am struggling so much,each day.
Consoling myself,laughing at my own pathetic state.
Zhi Ling,you think you handle your life so well eh?
What a joke.