really dont know how to continue this journey at times

im a weakling

You ever felt so suffocated that you can't breathe?

I did,this year.

I hate who I am this year.

You know,sometimes I really envy people for being able to be happy.They said happiness is a choice.Did I choose to be depressed?

Perhaps I'm unhappy because I can't accept things.My stubborn little mind conjures things,hoping that they'll come out my way.

KaiFeng said I'm short-tempered. I admitted I am.I hated my mother because she's childish at times in her thinking,short-tempered and many more etc. I hate how she gets angry so easily,I hated how she refuse to learn things just because she thinks she's not able to learn it,she gives up far too easily.I hate how easily she's able to see other people's flaws.

And then I reflected upon myself,I'm the same.

The exact same.

I think far too negatively.I worry too much about things even though they are not likely to happen.I judge others too much,I'm anti-social in my class and I complain about the loneliness even though I'm the one who built the wall around my heart first,I get angry and annoyed at people far too easily,I give up easily. I am warrior of refusing not to try.

I tell people I can't do it when I didn't even put in enough effort in the first place,I'm so weak.I get jealous of other people accomplishments but fuck yeah,I didn't even do anything to deserve the so called accomplishments. I have super low self esteem,and I hate my looks a lot.

I'm not as confident as I seem..I can't even accept myself for who i am. That's a flaw,eh?

I don't trust people easily.

I'm a slave of my own emotions this year,I dwell too much on unhappy stuff.I stayed up late,thinking that tomorrow will be a better day. I spend too much time in my own world,in social network sites.

I need to change.

I don't know if I should join. It's only 2 more weeks to EOY. And it's expensive, I don't wish to add on to my parent's financial burden.

But I heard from people it's really great and JiaWen always tell me about how enjoyable it is but of course, there's always tests and homework.

Should I just give up on amaths and drop it? Or try for a miracle?

I met up with JiaYing today at Northpoint and we had breakfast at Mcdonald.We were suppose to meet up at 6.30am but I missed the bus and she woke up at 6.30am. X.X

So we ended up meeting 15 minutes later.Before that,I bought berry flavoured clorets at 7-11.I gave the cashier $2.The clorets cost $1.20.He gave me change and I didn't take much notice and left.After I walked out,I realised he gave the wrong change.I thought he shortchanged me.I went back and told him. He said '' what an honest kid..'' and gave me my correct change.His partner laughed at him. Then I realise he gave me $1.30. -_______-''

No I'm not honest. I came back cause I thought you gave me lesser change. Guess both our brains are not functioning well in the morning.

I ORDERED BIG BREAKFAST! It's only 5 dollars inclusive of tea,hashbrown and meal. It's $6.20 usually I think.There's mcvalue from 6am-9am during weekdays. ^.^ I freaking love breakfast at Mcdonald!! I added 3 packets of sugar to my tea and 2 packets of coffee-mate. It tastes like milktea <3!!

Would have ordered the breakfast deluxe supreme!! Would love to have the pancakes and bacon strips but I don't think such a heavy breakfast would be good for me since I have school later on.Plus I don't think I can finish within the that short period of time.

Anyway,I like today's Chemistry lesson.I HAD FUN TESTING IONS HEHE.

Anyway, tea + 3 packets of sugar + 2 packets from coffee mate= me having stomache + shitting before Amaths

Saw him today after school. It's been a long time since me and him talked.Jiawen kept nudging me. -.-" HuiSin brought a present to school to school and don't dare to give. Hahhaha, I'm glad I'm brave enough to do so , no regrets:>

The very least, he sees me as a happy person I hope.

At times;I really despise myself,a lot.


I wish my life was awesome. I probably sound pathetic huh.

How cute is this? Would be awesome if my husband make me this for breakfast everyday. Or maybe during the weekends. #foreverdaydreaming

1) I am kinda obsessed with bags like that in the first picture.Adore the pink colour! Such a lovely shade :)

2)I would love to get myself an envelope clutch like that. (2nd picture.)

And guess what.. My friend Heidi sells the envelope clutch at her blogshop for $12!

Like OMG right? It's like the colour I like and the clutch I want! 2 in one,how awesome is that? Maybe I can even get a discount if I ask her :P.

Sad thing is I'm broke. I owed LiYing $10 for a shirt I bought recently and owed Syafiqah $7.. since June -_-'' And I have not even bought her birthday present yet.. FEEL SO GUILTY.. So my plan is to save up $30 first,pay back what I owe and get Syafiqah her present ..


I'm supposed to be asleep right now , there's emaths SRP at 10am tomorrow but I can't stop blogging and I don't think I'm tired enough to fall asleep..

EOY is coming.
I feel very pathetic.VERY.
The only subject I'm confident in is combined humanities as usual. I'm not even confident in English,I can't even accept the fact that i failed English for ca2.A pathetic 40++. PATHETIC you know? I don't even think anyone will believe me if I told them I got the highest in my class for English in CA2 last year.

That's it for today.I hope I'll get motivation to study and all my insecurities towards people and the future will go away.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Hate the green screen. Love the outfit :)