Today I watched the hunger games with Helen,Clarence,Justin,Jiawen and Joey.

2 things learnt.

In order to survive,

you have to

• Be ruthless, it's either you die or other people die. Simple as that
• Make people like you.
  

Someone with authority once told me that she already set her path since secondary one.Well,she's on good terms with many teachers and which is why she enjoys authority and even teachers don't dare to offend her.

Hmm, I'm not exactly the type who would socialise with people unless I want to make friends with them or they are very close to me.LOL i just don't find the need to. HAHAHA FOREVER ANTI SOCIAL LAH ZHI LING.

Absent mindedly, making me want you.

I fucking want to jump down now. Fuck life. Fuck life. Fuck life. Why must it be so frustrating. Why can't efforts be seen immediately. Why? Why are people in society judgemental?Why is living so troublesome. Why is paper chase so necessary?

I want to escape. Escape. To somewhere where no one knows me.

There's nothing I can do except to tolerate. Tolerate. Tolerate.

I'm not kidding about the jumping down part. I want to jump down into a big swimming pool and have some fun. Some serious fun.

Hmmmm I don't know how long I can hold on. I don't know how much longer I can continue to drape on my poker face mask in school everyday. I am deviating under all these stress. Yes stress.

It's a constant battle.
A war between remembering and forgetting.

Because I do not want to have any regrets.

Doing Amaths homework and thinking of how things might be if I didn't make certain choices. Maybe it was all pre-destined in the first place but I still have some regrets. Certain friendships, especially the best kind of friendships, maybe they are only meant to last for a short while after all. Some things in life, no matter how hard you try to prevent them from happening, they will still happen inevitably. I remembered I used to have this best friend in primary school since primary 1 and then we had a big fight in primary 5 and that's it, end of friendship. Even though we do still talk to each other, but things can never go back. Just like now, the past is the past.

Some people can never be replaced.
最终留下只是回忆。
I wonder what will happen to me and you in 10 years time. Complete strangers? Maybe.

Right now my photo is taking a really long time to upload so I shall blog first.
Today I watched a documentary and this British lady actually went to Bali and set up a clinic to provide free services for the Balinese. Her son passed away due to cancer 16 years ago so she came to Bali to relieve the pain.She found inner strength in her pain and used it to help those in need in which I really respect her for,because what I do when I'm upset is to moan and whine and hope that someone will emphasize with me. Looking at those poor Balinese who don't even have the money to see a doctor, I am really grateful for whatever things I have in life.

Mama Gloria's selflessness, if only everyone have it,the world would be a better place. A happier one. A brighter one. But then again if you ask yourself if you have $50, would you bear to donate it to the less unfortunate or keep it for yourself and spend it on things you like? I'm sure for many of us it's the second option. On what condition would you give money to someone you don't even know? Do something which will not even benefit yourself? I guess that's the difference between Mama Gloria and us.

''It's not where you go that matters,its the things you do.''

Why can't I be as pretty as her. :(
The difference is like way too big!!!! See people eyes so small still can be so chio one.

LOL i thought i had a great blog till I visited Jiawen'S BLOG TODAY.
#failuntilcannotfailliao

I feel so great today. Was about to text him to resolve that problem but no fucking guts.

Had a horrid day. Nearly burst out crying after POA's test. Things didn't get better when SOMEONE flipped the god damn table cause he's angry. -___-


Was relatively pissed at someone but mainly it's cause I'm childish.

Talked to him. Actually no, texted. And it made my day really better. Will continue to strive for him.

我依然拥抱着不真实的欲望。然而，那欲望是我最大的推动力可是每当残酷的现实狠狠地在我脸上打一巴掌时，我的推动力化为了说不出的累和想放弃的冲动。我为何如此脆弱？

My imput on the term ' Friendship.'

I know all my blogposts are pretty boring but well, sometimes there are just certain things I have to get off my chest.

Well, there is a certain reason why I always tweet certain stuff.

''我想了好久好久，身为一个朋友，你为我做得不够多，如果她可以做到，你为什么就做不到，我如此无奈，你如此nonchalant.然而那两年来我觉得自己为你的付出是maximum efforts 而你这两年来对我却是bare minimum. 最奇怪的是我不会怨你，不会生气，可能这就是友谊的奇妙吧。''

For the two years in the same class as her, I always put in effort to be the best as a friend I could be.I listened to all her complaints and tried to make her a happy person.
But ever since we were in the different class,she barely put in any effort to sustain the friendship.
It's always me and me and me. Me initiating to hang out during recess or after school. Me asking her out. Me initiating a conversation on msn. Me this,me that.

Well,when I'm upset or whatever,she's not there. She's always busy. I can really feel it in my heart she's not making any effort. After those tussles and struggles for the past 1 year plus in school,I finally know who are my true friends. I'm not saying she's not a true friend,i just merely feel that she's not putting in enough efforts.

It's takes two to clap.

YX is in a different clique,yet the effort she puts in is 150%.
我庆幸有她这样一个朋友。

I decide to stop putting in so much effort because I always get nothing back from you.

You ever thought of the past and everything all starts haunting you,all at once?
Ever looked at yourself in the perspective of other people? And don't like yourself very much?
I think it's actually human nature to do so,however we should really stop living in the past.

It's stopping you from the happiness you ought to deserve.Admit it.

“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that’s why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that’s why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

I am not a very fun person to be with cause I think too deeply at things. LOL.
twelve year old body,fifteen years old in truth,sixty years old at mind.
lololololol. not funny.

Ps. Love my skin,it's improving.

From time to time,I need to tell myself it's okay to be different from other people.
I realized my personality is very '' 孤僻‘’。
I found myself back recently and I hope she will continue to stay with me.
Listening to 三寸天堂 and the pattering of the rain.
Your name brought back thoughts yet no words came out of my mouth.

下一页你亲手写上的离别，由不得我拒绝。

这条路我们走得太匆忙，拥抱着并不真实的欲望。

来不及等不及回头欣赏，木兰香遮不住伤。

Three lines explains everything.

Collars

Shifted to a place where no one knows me and I feel so much safer and secured.
A place where I can finally just reveal how I truly feel instead of restricting myself.
A place to soar instead of being locked up in a cage like a pathetic parrot,saying whatever I want to please other people. I can tear off this fucking mask finally. Be melancholic when I am. Be happy when I am. Be a bundle of fury when I am.

Be me.

今天又是一个星期四。不知道是今年的第几个星期四。好恐怖。Happy March, I hope. 8 more months to go.