As I went for a walk on the hilltop today, I wondered if anyone else in this universe is feeling the same as me,lost in reality.How many people can truly say that they had lived their life with passion and happiness?

When I was young, I used to think that life is about studying hard,getting good grades and finding a job with enough salary to support my family and then forming my own family,with my own kids. This has always been my mentality till this year. I began to get confused. I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. I want a life whereby I can say it's a well worth life that's worth looking back on. I want a life that is dangerously amazing,so amazing that it can be made into a movie.

I am weird,aren't I? I'm not supposed to think about all these,supposed to focus on studying and getting good grades for O levels. But then.. I'm not going to be lying down in my coffin thinking, omg I scored 7 A1s for my o levels,I have no regrets in my life.

I'm not going to do that.

I want to learn guitar and piano,maybe post some covers on Youtube if I'm good enough.I want to travel to countries and take photos of beautiful scenery.I want to perform on a stage, with millions of audience applauding for me. I want to eat awesome food and write reviews on them. I want do do photoshoots in exotic places.

I am just a hopeless romantic dreamer I suppose.

Dreams, do they really come true? 

Been feeling better as compared to how i felt several days ago. Currently blogging on my bed using my iPod. Now I'm only left with blocked nose. Luckily, I took my o levels for mt last year. Really don't know what I will do if I am taking my o levels tomorrow in this kind of state.

Been thinking a lot recently. Because all I could do is eat and sleep. Like a pig.

okay i was too lazy to blog so i'm continuing today.

I wished i had a simple brain
then i wouldn't overthink
and make myself miserable.

I made the right decision yesterday night.
When I clicked on the send button, my mind just went blank
I had no idea what I was doing, for a moment I did regret
 But I slept with ease now at least

No more ache whenever I'm sleeping
No more heavy feeling
No more , no more.

Wasn't feeling well since yesterday. Extremely giddy and sore throat.

So I went to bed at 8plus. In 5plus in the morning,I went to the toilet. I sat down on the toilet bowl and suddenly I couldn't stand up again. I can't see anything at all. Everything was pitch black. I closed my eyes and opened it again. Still pitch black. I screamed for my mum, '' MAMA MAMA'' She came in and I started crying. I told her I couldn't see anything at all. I swear I was really fucking scared. This has never ever happened to me at all. 

My spine started hurting like mad and my dad helped me apply some medicine. Then they started talking about my diet and how weak my body is..

what a horrid experience. I never want to experience it again. Doctor says it happened because the blood cannot be circulated into my brain.

:(

"我知道所有人的结局，却唯独不知道自己的结局，以前一直是旁观者的角度 看着个人走向他们的结局，如今自己也被拖进了这幕戏中，将来我该何去何从."

其实我并不想上大学
你会惊讶吗？
I still can't figure out what I truly have passion for.
I don't envy people with achievements at all.
I envy people who know where they want to go in life and have to courage to pursue their dreams.
Most of my classmates got 20++ for L1R4 and some of them were like, '' wah 15.. so good.''
I'm one of the minority who got okay results
表面上看的风光
他们应该不知到背后的努力，痛苦，心酸
这几个月我付出太多太多了
我很累
很累
很累
很累
很累
很累
很累
很累
很累
很累
很累


很累           
 

Outing with drama peeps. Rest of the photos with Shahira and Toni.

Tonight my thoughts revolve around selfishness.
I really do not understand why some people can be selfish and yet so self righteous about it
What is the point of insisting you are right and pushing all the wrongs on other people? Have you reflected on yourself?
Your stubborn immature mindset will prevent you from getting true happiness.



Y U SO ADORABLE. :> Forever so cute hohohoohohohohoh. can't help smiling at your epicness.

Recently all people do is to let me down. Raise my hopes up an then smash it straight in my face.

Sick of it. Perhaps I'm just an insignificant little dot huh?


I feel like none of you understand me at all.

So just let me fucking drown in my solitude.

Aiya ZhiLing mah, forever like that one.

Everyone should just fuck off from my life and leave me alone.

fear of the unknown
i do.
hate changes.
i do.
meeting new people and accepting them, i find it hard.
What if it ends up like 4e2..
its already been a tough 1.5 years, don't wanna it to be another tough 3 years
been wanting to graduate for as long as i can remember
but now,all i feel is fear
why?
4 years ago i found courage to join drama
despite standing solo
i made it through
all these countless pain these years
i made it through


why cant i have the courage to try again

I never felt so lost before.
A junction of your life where you're suppose to make a decision which will affect your entire future.
Be brave and go for it now?
Wait till next year?
Asked for so many opinions.
Heard million words of advice.
I thought I had it all figured out.
Turns out my fickle mind refuse to let me off.
Indecisiveness,
fears,
it all consumes me.
LOL now I feel like I'm writing poetry,
but hell no I'm not.
WHY LING WHY YOU LIKE TO TORTURE YOURSELF
just be happy go lucky
no i can't do it
le sigh
i feel like my heart is in all directions
i wanna be anywhere but here

Please don't puke looking at my face. I watched the avengers with Shahira,Francis and John today. Wanted to watch dark shadows but it starts at 2.30pm but Shahira and John were late. So we watched the avengers which started at 3pm. I was pretty reluctant cause it's those kind of action movie.. not really my type of movies. But I'm a nice person so I watched it with them. LOL. Actually no,John watched dark shadows before and I didn't want to waste his money watching it twice despite him telling me he wouldn't mind watching it twice. And Francis seemed pretty skeptical about dark shadows and the movie already started and we've not yet buy the tickets. So yeah.

The storyline was kind of expected. Heros save the world. The good over the evil. Like that lor.

I like my outfit today,jeans with the tanktop above with cardigan. Not really my usual style but I looked so mature and not underdressed. Maybe change is good. HAHA.

I used to have second thoughts about posting ''zilian'' photos because he* used to make it sound like its what typical teenage girls do and then I stopped posting those kind of photos. I also very very afraid people will laugh and say i ugly. But now after straightening my thoughts,why should I change because of him? He's already treating me like some little kid from the start he know me. And why should I hide who I am? If you wanna laugh then you laugh lor. My blog look so cheapo thanks to these low quality photos but sorry,I no money buy DSLR camwhore. LOL.

OKAY I ADMIT I ALSO VERY SCARED I END UP LIKE ________ , kenna people laugh behind the back,still very confident. Don't know her own limits,ugly still post a lot of camwhore photos. Then people laugh still don't know. I sound very bad huh, but at least I am voicing out my opinions instead of talking about people behind their back.

Results tomorrow. If I claimed that there's no an ounce of fear in me,I would be lying.

我今天撒了谎，做了缩头乌龟。
依然选择逃避现实。每想到我会怕成这个地步。

This song very nice.






This one also.陳潔儀 - 倔強

''我的回憶很倔強
一路陪我向前看
它教會我幸福不是永遠的陪伴
而是有你在心上 一個人也勇敢''

The lyrics is by my distant relative! Nice right!!!

Shopping with Syafiqah

Met up with Syafiqah today for a shopping trip.LAZY TO BLOG SO LET THE PICTURES DO THE TALKING.

Had my lunch at Mos Burger ^_^

I'M DROOLING.

Outfit of the day~

I shall post the photo when Syafiqah uploaded it. :)

Bought myself a similar skirt like the above picture but it's purple in colour. Also bought a bag from Cotton On and it's damn cheap but the strap cannot be adjusted.fuck it. Kinda regret not buying the necklaces today but I'm not willing to spend so much money on necklaces! $15 can buy me one outfit eh. 

That's it for today. BYE.

Yesterday I had a talk with a classmate on facebook at late night. Although we had been in the same class for 2 entire years in lower secondary,we barely talked due to the following reasons below.

•  We belonged in different cliques
• We couldn't get along and so even if we talked,it would be insults
• He has a relatively cold personality

And yeah,upper sec came and we were still in the same chinese class but there's not much chance to interact too. Then sec 4 came~ I was seated beside him and I was filled with dread, because we don't even freaking talk throughout the years but after sometime,i realised he has this humour about him and he's actually okay.

So I started a conversation with him yesterday and we ended up talking about relationships. Can't believe I'm actually confiding in him.

It was really very smoothing to talk to him and I don't know,it was nice of him to listen to everything. 

He also has his own problems,le sigh. okay bye.  

''because you told him not to leave, but you never did gave him an answer''

How much this sentence hurt. Oh god.

 

It's really ironic how I want exams to over during the exams period and when exams are over,I can't really think of anything to do. Did pretty lots of leisure reading. Woke up at 1plus yesterday and did some reading before deciding to meet up with JiaYing and Eric. Both of them were rotting at home too.

Bought my cardigan. The colours were pretty limited so I choose the colour that can be easily matched. If only there's grey or black!

We then headed over to AngMoKio Hub.. I kept on complaining I'm hungry and insisted on eating at Ah Mei's cafe. They say I'm forever hungry! -.-

Bought GongCha Green milk tea and 2 egg pratas! Really regretted buy 2 pratas cause I couldn't finish it. And they never give me curry sauce!!! :@

It's pretty hilarious cause there's this guy with a ''bomb'' hairstyle and pink outfit dancing with loud music behind him and he's doing all those weird expressions and dance movements. Suddenly he was behind NJY and me and Eric couldn't stop laughing.But NJY didn't notice his presence and gave us a bizarre look.'' EH why you all keep laughing???'' '' HAHAHHAHAHAA'' It was so hilarious I swear.

We then walked around and headed outside Angmokio hub. Not much to elaborate and soon NJY's family came and then me and Eric headed home. Bought Sushis home~

Bought this on Friday for my mum. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

HHEHEHE SELF SHOT. MY HAIR SUPER SILKY YESTERDAY WOOHOO

AND I AM GETTING MY BABY SOON. :D

bye.

Freedom Friday

      EXAMS ARE OVER!
            ( Well technically speaking,there's still O levels but who cares,let me bask in my temporary happiness first.) 

So I had my last paper today,which is Science MCQ paper, 20 questions of Chemistry and Physics each. It lasted for one hour only! :D I know I screwed up MYE a lot but I am gonna buck up  for prelims. Mark my words. But actually I'm really scared I won't have the motivation and drive to study for O levels after examinations.I always have the '' must work hard'' motivation during exam periods but after that I'll cut myself some slack and not work hard. Le sigh. I know my blog has been pretty wordy so I took loads of pictures using my ipod touch today to jazz my blog up a little if not it will be extremely boring.

Hehe, got the antique china feel or not? If only I could visit the real palace in China! 

I actually made plans to hang out with JiaYing but she wasn't feeling well so I headed to Northpoint with Yunxuan and Jiawen. The worst decision we make was to walk to Northpoint! The heat was really irritating and I AGREED to walking because it was still pretty early and the weather was cooling initally.. Who knew..

 ROAR! The Qilin outside the chinese temple.

I took a photo of this flower and Jiawen say I suaku,never see wild flower before. -_- People want act artistic cannot ah?

Then Jiawen suddenly posed in front of my ipod and dragged Yunxuan. LOLOLOL SEE YUNXUAN SO RELUCTANT TO TAKE PHOTO!! HAHA.

But the short journey to Northpoint despite the heat was actually pretty enjoyable with Jiawen's nonsensical ramblings about her childhood,talking about Winx Club and Happy Meal.

My hot tea and Sausage Mcgriddles with egg. Tastes god damn heavenly woohoo. There's my hashbrown behind my hot tea. It's so shy that it gotta hide from the camera. LOL.

I was the only one eating while the two girls were just listening to music with Jiawen playing games on my ipod. We then walked around Northpoint aimlessly since majority of the shops were not opened yet. YunXuan bought her soymilk and Jiawen left for home promptly.

Me and Yunxuan then headed for the library and we had a pretty long talk. 1 hour. Actually it's damn long because we talked really fast. Our speed is like vrooom vrooom vrooom. I told her my dilemma about JCs and polytechnics. All my close friends are heading for the JC route as it's the most conventional way to University and it's a safer route. But I told her I know I won't be happy if I'm in JC but at the same time I do not want my future to be ''dangerous'' if you know what I meant. To slog it out and endure 2 years of hardship or choose I route which I think I will enjoy but face the consequences later? I hate unknowns,sigh.

But then again, she shared her experience about what happened 2 years ago. Her entire clique received the pink slip,the triple science option. The yearned for option,the elite option. Turns out they were struggling inside whether to choose it for not. All four choose it in the end and PY and Yunxuan who intially was reluctant to be in triple sciences dropped biology while KY and YM who decided to slog it out with a firm stand still continue to take triple sciences.

I think I know myself too well, I won't do well if I'm unhappy. And you may ask,how would I know I would be unhappy? Well, I hated rules and regulations and JCs .. is like secondary school,the system of education there. I hate being under pressure and frantically living life,doing things I don't enjoy. But at the same time I ask myself this question,what if my determination died off halfway and I lose passion in the course I take? LE SIGH I should stop thinking about all this stuff. Follow my heart when I receive my results next year!

YunXuan told me she actually enjoyed each inter-class as it bonds the class more.She'll miss 4e4 when she graduate. I do wish I will miss this last lap,this class. I really do. But well,I long accepted the fact I can never fit in this class. I look down on people who refuses to work hard and blames other people for it. I hate being in an environment where the air is just filled with negative attitudes and laziness. But well, this school did give me good memories too though. :)

Borrowed 3 books and bought mother's day gift! The skincare product actually costs $60 but I bought it for only $15 from Sasa. Special promotion for mother day's I guess. ANDDDDDD I did a survey for the FACESHOP and got a free sample. Some toner and emulsion thingy, a little box with 2 tiny bottles but oh well,I love free stuff.

No tuition tomorrow,wonder how I should spend my day! ^^ BYE.

What is life?

Weijie asked this question on my class facebook group and it got overwhelming responses. I can finally understand why I cannot connect with this class. The gap of our perspectives are simply too far. There were answers like '' Its just about having FUN''. 

Well,I have no right to judge people's answers to that very ''deep'' question as different people see things from different views.

To me,life is about making use of the time you have on Earth to discover your passions and pursue your dreams. To live each day without regrets and make use of the time you have wisely. To encourage and bring the best out of everyone around you. To overcome struggles and enjoy the beauty of life.


My answer seems cliche does'nt it? Maybe it is. 


Routes in life. As human beings,its natural to want to have a route that will benefit you the most in the end. We like to link success in monetary terms. We like to link the society's ideal term of success as happiness. To be happy, the society says you have to have high education, you must graduate from university,you must have a good job with high end salary. How many of these successful (so-called) are truly happy with their job? Do they gain satisfication and fufillment from their jobs? 


Sometimes its really difficult to follow your heart when all you seemed is to go the opposite direction of what the majority is going after.When I think about all these stuff sometimes,fear really consumed me and swallow me whole. It pains me literally to think I would fail in life. Who doesn't? 


I'm currently at this stage of my life where I'm at a crossroad, don't know which direction to continue walking. To face reality or to pursue dreams? 


Why am I born in this era anyway? pffft. I would totally prefer to be born in an era where you can succeed with just hard work,where people's mind were less complex,where things were simpler and when people actually bothered about caring one another. 


le sigh. I'm such an overthinker at times. Too deep for my own good at times.
  

我顿时为他感到无比的难过，他的人生仿佛风彩可是我到认为活到了这把年岁却不知道人生的真正意义，是如此的可悲.

Life's footsteps

Today I am going to spend a little more time and effort to blog. :) 

I had the most meaningful exam on Friday,which is my higher Chinese paper 2 exam.It was a really worthwhile exam as I literally learned life lessons in every single essay in the paper.It was a well set paper. I know you guys are probably going to yawn but let me share with you some of the things that were in the paper.

Once upon a time,there was a young CEO driving his brand new BMW at a relatively high speed along the alley of luxurious bungalows.He had to be extremely careful as kids playing along the alley  may suddenly rush to the middle so he slowed down whenever he feels that there is a high possibility of kids running out. 

Just when his car drove past a group of kids,a little kid used a brick to hit his car door.He braked his car furiously and drove his car back to the spot where his door was hit by the brick.

He jumped out of his car and grabbed the little kid,he pushed him against his car door and exclaimed:'' Why did you do that? Did you know what you just did?'' He then hollered:'' DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE TO PAY TO REPAIR THIS NEW CAR? WHY EXACTLY DID YOU DO THAT?''

The little kid pleaded,'' I'm sorry sir. I didn't know what else to do.''

'' I threw that brick as no one would stop.'' He said as his tears slide down on the car door.

He then continued,'' My brother has fallen from his wheelchair and I have no ability to carry him back.''

'' Can you help me you carry him up? He's injured and he's too heavy,I can't carry him.'' The little boy chocked out

The young CEO was touched by his words.He carried the boy's brother and helped him into his wheelchair.He then took out his handkerchief  to wipe the injuries and ensure that the brother was okay.

The little boy said gratefully,'' Thank you sir! God bless you!''

The young CEO watched as the young boy pushed his older brother back. He slowly walked to his car and decided not to fix it. He wants that dent to remind him that '' do not wait till other people throw bricks at you before you realised that your life's footsteps has been too fast. ''

When life wants to communicate with your soul,if you do not have the time,you have two options. 1.Listen to the voice inside 2. Let the bricks hit you

Ask yourself this,have your life been too busy and fast to the extend you neglect your loved ones so much to the extend you are doubting your love for them?

ARGHHHH DIRECT TRANSLATION IS SO TIRING. K BYE I HOPE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING.

Cause I know how despair feels like. Helpless yet there's nothing you could do except to watch yourself die.

At least I managed to act nonchalant today, acting skills came to a good use today.