Want to know something? It's how I often feel. 
Today I went to school for History Consultation and I really learn a lot.

Life lessons.

'' You know,our brain only have the capability to remember a certain amount of information.If I carry so much baggages and grudges,how am I going to remember all these information ( about history).''

''It's human nature. We like to hide the truth from ourselves,deceiving ourselves of what seems to be the truth.We want to hear what we like.''

I didn't forget about you. I can't seem to. On days when I'm busy,you're only a past. Someone whom I used to talk to everyday. On nights when loneliness filled me,you're a ghost that haunt me and a certain part of me screams,''come back,come back.'' You're the first person I had so much intense feelings for. Guilt,it never lessens even though time passes.

I find my brain going back to those memories even though though it's a blurry mess and a vague puzzle pieces.

I sucked so much at expressing myself through words on my blog,I have no idea why.

Oh,someone totally broke my trust. Promised me something but broke the promise. What is the point of apologizing afterwards? How would it salvage the situation? TOTALLY BROKE MY TRUST. 

I'm actually quite scared that O levels will be over. I'm scared of facing the results,leaving my friends,stepping into a new place,adapting all over again.I'm scared of trusting people.Who will be worth it and who will not? 

There are times when I feel that I'm so lucky to be ZhiLing but most of the times,I just look down on myself,expand my flaws.

I am tougher to comprehend than an O level English comprehension.

16 more days to Os and I feel so unprepared.I hate this uncertainty that amasses in me as the dates draw closer and closer.I feel like I didn't really give it my all,I succumbed to my emotions and laziness a lot of times.

I used to be super confident in Humanities and doing alright in accounting but now I only feel fear as I discovered my disability to digest large chunks of information and I hadn't really been working hard in POA.

Horrible horrible results and time is running out.

And as time past,I realized I hate people in general. I lost faith in people. It's not like people are willing to sacrifice everything for you and put in effort even if you do the same. I used to give a lot of shit but now I don't. I gave up. What's most important is myself because ultimately,everyone is gonna leave and there's no point in maintaining friendships.

Friends come and go. I accept that. 2 more weeks and I'm out of the hellhole I always hated. I hate the people there,i hate everything about that place. I've been waiting for 1 year plus and.. it's coming. I can't wait.

How much longer can I run away? 有些事情迟早要面对。