I can't help to raise my hopes. I know I should prevent myself from doing so but I can't help it. It hurts even more when people got in through JPSAE and I got back nothing. I should be grateful I got posted to NYP where there are friends around but a part of me still wished NP did offer me the course I wanted. It feels so disappointing.Maybe I didn't answer their questions the way they wanted. Maybe I'm not good enough.

I was feeling positive,telling myself Syafiqah and Heidi are in the same polytechnic but then I realized I was just fooling myself. I ain't happy.

What if I accepted TP place? What if I studied harder? No point pondering,just move on. At least I didn't get into some shitty courses which I put at the back. And on the side note,I get to save on transport fares and time.

Goodbye January and hello February. January has been dramatic enough and February,I just want serenity and peace .

I never wanted time to pass so quickly before.It feels so fast yet so slow.Weekends are always gone in a blink of an eye and soon it's Monday again and the long dreading week! Even though this job has nice people and everything,but a job is still a job. I'm always fearing I will make mistakes and I feel relatively dumb and out of place. February that's it,I'm gonna say bye bye. I'm so tired inside out,waking up at 7am and reaching home at night.I am so so so so so tired.

When those times people are genuinely interested in you as a person,I miss that. A ridiculous level of loneliness is filling me as I enter the workforce and friends seem so distant recently.

Feel so tired inside out. I plan nice things for myself and BAM it's Monday again. This stupid iphone5, why did I even want it? Desires oh desires. Dataplan is what shit? Sigh.

I rather have those times back when I was using Nokia and prepaid cards and

Why does everything link back to you. I really miss you. Really really really do.

Who am I kidding I love myself only

The horrible need to have someone there to share your inner thoughts,to tell stupid things to. The need for someone to put you there first on their list. The need for someone to reveal their most inner thoughts and only to you. To laugh about things only the both of you know. I hate that.

Come back ; be here

You said it in a simple way,
4am, the second day,
How strange that I don't know you at all.
Stumbled through the long goodbye,
One last kiss, then catch your flight,
Right when I was just about to fall

I told myself don't get attached,
but in my mind I play it back,
Spinning faster than the plane that took you...

And this is when the feeling sinks in,
 I don't wanna miss you like this,
Come back... be here, come back... be here.
I guess you're in New York today,
I don't wanna need you this way,
Come back... be here, come back... be here.

The delicate beginning rush,
The feeling you can know so much,
Without knowing anything at all.
And now that I can put this down,
If I had known what I'd known now,
I never would have played so nonchalance.

Taxi cabs and busy streets,
That never bring you back to me,
I can't help but wish you took me with you...

And this is when the feeling sinks in,
I don't wanna miss you like this,
Come back... be here, come back... be here.
I guess you're in London today,
I don't wanna need you this way,
Come back... be here, come back... be here.

This is falling in love in the cruelest way,
This is falling for you and you are worlds away.

New York... be here.
But you're in London and I break down,
Cos it's not fair that you're not around.

This is when the feeling sinks in,
I don't wanna miss you like this,
Come back... be here, come back... be here.
I guess you're in New York today,
And I don't wanna need you this way,
Come back... be here, come back... be here.

I don't wanna miss you like this.
Come back... be here.
Come back... be here. 

click here to listen

There has to be a time when you realize the bigger things in life.

My heart hurts so badly.I wished I was a dust particle so I don't have to face anything. Loser me. Please don't talk to me when you don't understand me or how I feel.

For those who held me strong in times of my struggles,I will repay you back in this lifetime definitely if i have the chance. If not,if fate allows,the next lifetime. I love all of you.

O LEVELS RESULTS EVE

Working as an admin for a law firm and I took up a job as a tutor. I feel so stressed yet again and I feel like my anxiety disorder is back again. This sucks.

I've been avoiding O LEVEL RESULTS for as long as I can remember. The only good thing about collecting Os results is that I don't need to go work.

Work make me realize how blissful life is. In school or at home.

I am having a migraine now. FML.

Funny how my fear seems to disappear now. Maybe I will start crying before I receive my results.

I often have this image on me jumping down a building on my o level results day but I know it won't happen because i don't want my bones to turn into powder.

Whatever comes my way will be due to my choice made in 2012,no point pondering. goodnight.

My heart hurts a lot and I hate you for not being there. 可是我凭什么? 有时候做人还是身不由己.
I am so afraid. 

Quick Update

Spent my new year's eve with Syafiqah. Went to Vivo City countdown event with Syafiqah. We saw Liying and family. It was a really epic day for me but I am really lazy to recount everything. Read more about it here! It's so cool we get to see celebrities in real life and ROMEO TAN WALKED PAST ME MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA .

Lunch date with HEIDI CHAN. It's so hard to ask this girl out. x_x I'm drooling at the food photos I took!

LOL went swimming with Syafiqah,Liying and Saif and this was taken in KFC. I am wearing my swimsuit but Syafiqah told me to wrap myself up like I'm naked like that. I put on a ''I'm being tortured'' expression but I'm struggling not to laugh hahaha.

We waited for 4 freaking hours to swim due to the unforseen weather conditions.

 

:P

Visited ODDS with Saras and John. Nice seeing all those juniors again! :)

 

One of my favourite views taken from the school.

Lunch at Ngee Ann poly yesterday. This is only $4. Chicken chop yum yum yum!

On the way to some wedding in Malasia with my family and cousin and aunt. 

Will not be updating so frequently since I'm starting work at some lawyer's firm tomorrow. 9am-6pm. :(

Hello,waking up early and squeezing in MRT. I hope I will have a better working experience working there as compared to Pets Station! Endure for the sake of my iphone5! And I'm gonna get RED by Taylor Swift if I have the money! 

I am so afraid. Afraid on that day. I see myself crying,not knowing where to go.