Even though it's been so long since I received my O level results,I still feel very 不甘心 sometimes. Why didn't I do as well as I thought I would? Drama serials gave me too much hope I think. They portrayed a version of happily ever after. My ending although not a tragedy,it wasn't what I intended. I always tried my best for English,why didn't I get my distinction? Where did I go wrong?
That day,when I had a fight with my younger brother,he rebutted ''18'' (my o level score). I seriously have that raw sinking feeling and flashbacks to those nights when I studied with my ipod,with ''when you believe'' playing,with a hope I'll do extremely well in the end.
The melodramatic ending didn't happen.
The worst part is that some primary school schoolmates did better and I really don't know how to explain this horrendous feeling.When people or colleagues ask me which poly I am in,I feel ashamed to tell them I'm in Nanyang poly. Not that it's a ''bad'' place to be in but people always expect me to be in better places..
''I'm from Tourism and Hospitality.''
''Oh,that's great.''
''Hmm,Tourism....''
Some gave me raised eyebrows while some gave an approving look,thinking that this is a wonderful career route path.
It feels like I'm always under achieving and sometimes my own looks bothers me a lot. My eccentric personality is damn annoying at times and I'm always thinking of weird stuff.
I hate myself so much at times. My intellect as a human being is simply disappointing.
Contrary to the picture,I am not a sophisticated person. I am a clumsy dwarf and my English is often ridiculed in real life. Thank god for internet.
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