Just some thoughts on death

Yesterday night,someone opposite my block committed suicide. Out of curiosity,I went and have a look together with my mum and younger brother. Nope,we didn't go down. We weren't that courageous. I could see the body from my blk. (Ps. I live at the 10th floor.)

There were speculations that it was a kid and he/she had accidentally fallen down. There were also assumptions he/she is an adult but I do not know. The body was too vague from my point of view.

You know in those typical mediacorp drama serials,they always showcase someone committing suicide and the family members/loved ones crying by the side? I always thought,''wah very pro,can cry until macham like the person really die like that.'' I could hear very loud crying from where I was(yeah the sound travel all the way up to the 10th floor). It was the kind of crying that felt so .. to be honest i don't know how to describe,like it literally shoots through your heart and makes you feel like crying together with the person,as though your tears could ease some of the pain. It felt so tragic,so heartbreaking,so hopeless. If you put the most veteran actor crying beside the person,I swear the veteran actor would be in shame.

There was someone pumping her heart non-stop and pretty soon there was a big crowd. Then the ambulance and police came.

I then found out from one of my seniors that the girl was her cousin's best friend. She's only sixteen.

Sixteen,imagine all these she didn't manage to experience yet. There's no chance to pull an all nighter for SS O levels,no chance to tell her friends she's nervous and feeling unprepared,no chance to experience JC/Poly life,no chance to marry Mr Right and have children or cuddle her grandchildren on rainy days and tell them bedtime stories. Everything gone when she plunged down.

I heard that she had fought with her mum beforehand and she was on the phone with her grandma and her grandma was rushing down to her house to persuade her not to do anything silly but she was too late. I also heard that she was adopted and was the only child and her ''father'' passed away 8 years ago. This means that the mother would be left all alone...

I have no right to judge her decision to end her life,be it of accumulated depression or a moment of impulse,I'm sure her actions has scarred many of her closed ones for life. It's definitely going to take a very very very long time to heal. Or maybe not in this lifetime.

Death felt so far away because we are all alive and breathing,living young and free. But when death is placed explicitly in your face,you will really reflect and think. Appreciate your friends and family and tell them I love you because you won't know when is the last time you can say that,anything could happen. Whatever you want to do,do it. Don't be afraid because on the brink of death,you can then tell yourself at least I didn't let myself down in this lifetime.