100th day of 2014 thoughts

I was drafting up a blog post on my trip to the 2 degree ice art exhibition last night and I meant to complete and publish the blog post today but I don't have the mood to continue writing it. Perhaps tomorrow?

Today will be a rojak wordy blogpost because I hadn't done one in such a long time and I realized that I prefer reading wordy blogposts from friends which gives me insights on their personality or thoughts inside them rather them a photographic blog with photos of food,outfits and those mainstream posts.

I really wanna share some inside thoughts but I know there are some visitors here and I'm not ready to share intimate thoughts up here. ''Then you still type so much for what?!'' Errr.. Well,because I want to? I just feel that I've been posting too much superficial posts up here just to hide my true self and only show the better side of my life and it is not what this blog is for. I used to have a diary in a notebook form and I write my most inner thoughts inside and I've stopped doing that for quite some time because it requires too much effort and sometimes I forget about it.

Don't really have a specific topic to write about but just wanna talk about whatever that's on my mind. Sharing whatever that's on your mind without reservations,showing all of you,when was the last time you did that? It was easier to do that when you were younger,there were no defense because there were no trust issues and as you get older,sharing was hard. It was an activity you do with people you trust the most. People sometimes put words into your mouth and twist them around and I think this is why majority of the people would rather keep things to themselves. It was tiring to explain and justify the truth and even more tiring to make people see things from your point of view.

I don't know how people see me. I think most probably someone who is pretty sensitive and emotional,easily agitated and angered. Who would like to be seen that way? You know if I could choose my personality,I would choose to be a patient and cheerful introvert. Wouldn't it be nice if they sell vitamin pills that can change our personalities? Like you swallow this yellow pill that's pineapple flavored and then you will become cheerful. Why no one think of that ah?? I mean like people do so much things to alter their looks. For example,chin fillers to make face look sharper,boob jobs to make breasts bigger,double eyelids surgery,botox to remove wrinkles,lipo something to remove fats BUT WHY NO ONE INVENT pills to make personalities nicer? We could achieve so much as individuals and the world will be a much nicer place.

Have you guys ever reached a point in your life whereby you feel some friendships are.. I don't how to put it. Stagnant? Is it the correct word? It's like it feels tiring to continue the friendship and I felt wrong,bad,afraid. Because I am a person who put in a lots of effort in relationships because I don't like losing people. I really don't. And this is perhaps why I hadn't been in a relationship yet. I don't want to be too dependent on another individual and I am very well aware how losing people affects me. My entire normal mundane life will turned upside down and it will take me a very very very long time to recover.

Okay byebye. On a side note,today is the 100th day of 2014.