Tonight I am thinking through many things. What if I disappear? Who the fuck would still care?


I miss you so much. I think no one cares about me the way you do. No one can ever replace you. Come back.

Instagram all glamorous. Real life I'm just a pathetic loser which no one really wants.

'' My life is mundane.''

This sentence is such an understatement.No idea why I am getting pissed off by everyone around me recently.But I feel sorry for myself living in solitude.Only 2 days being at home,I feel so miserable already.I miss going to school and having something to do. All I do is eat and sleep and go to social networking sites and I feel like such a useless person with no goals in life suddenly.

I don't really know how to express myself but I guess I'm just highly unmotivated in life. :(

Priya's birthday party on Sunday. Which is yesterday. Raj ain't in this photo because he wasn'
t there yet because he had to attend some ear piercing ceremony before he came. The incomplete clique.

Priya looked really gorgeous that day. I mean yesterday. My face looks squarish because i clipped up my fringe LOL.

An act cute face with another ''why am i stuck with her im so pathetic'' face. LOL

Polariods ^_^ Shahira wasn't in the picture because she left early. :(

When I saw JinKheng's outfit,I seriously LOL because it was kind of similar to mine because of the colour and it's checkered too. -_-

The worst part was Shahira said:'' eh you two going visiting for Chinese New Year ah?''
LOLOLOLOLOLOL

And so this is what I wore.

Okay this pathetic post is just filled with pictures and captions byebye. I realise I forgot to take a picture with Shahira and Raj. LOL

I had this at Gelare, causeway point today. Although it's pricey but I really feel a surge of delight eating this dessert. It has always been one of my wishes to have something like this. The icecream is really good,I had caramel fudge brownie. It's kind of disappointing that the outlet at Causeway point didn't offer cookie dough! :( Hopefully next time I can buy the ingredients and make something like this but the waffle,will be a very big challenge as it's crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Like cake.

My whatsapp conversation with Tiger today made me very happy. ''I so long never see you le,but we still can chat about so many things. wee. I'm the best senior right.'' ''We never see each other for a year plus liao.Thought I long forgotten.''

I feel quite touched that someone actually appreciates my effort to keep in touch. To sustain a friendship,it's really not easy. We are acquainted with so many people but what does it takes to actually maintain a friendship for years? It's inevitable that people walk in and out of your life but I don't see the point of getting close with someone and them walking out in the end. I remember I had this friend which I was pretty,not really close but considered close in cca. We no longer talk after he changed CCA which is pretty sad. I'm afraid some of my secondary school friends and I will drift apart too. But I don't have much friends to begin with in the first place..

Younger brother heading for hongkong and shenzhen,China for some immersion programme and he gets to visit HongKong disneyland. :( *envious face pops up* Reminds me of the time he sent me that text asking me to buy sweets to shanghai because he knows I have low blood sugar and he sent me this super long goodbye message.He was the first person I text when I get back to SG LOL. So fast 3 years passed.

Goodnight.

Sometimes we portray a version of ourselves which we want to show to others,why?I missed times when people are authentic and aren't afraid to be silly and show the world their stupid side. I missed conversations about random things,filled with so little content yet so enjoyable.

Actually I kind of miss work. I miss interacting with different clients and delivering documents to different places,exploring different scenery of Singapore. Waking up and having my breakfast before work and then countdown to lunch time. And then taking the rebound train after delivering documents or completion on purpose and tada,its 6pm. Knock off and dinner. Watch tv and sleep. Countdown to friday and make plans for weekend to enjoy myself.

I only appreciate the ability to ''nua'' when I got work. Now I have all the time and freedom to do so,it becomes boring,empty. My life currently is boring,void of spectrum of emotions and meaning.There's nothing to do,nothing to dread,nothing to look forward to.

Lower secondary school life was like a adrenaline rush for me while upper secondary school life was filled with fears and slopes. Feeling myself slipping away yet not having enough courage to pull myself back on the track which I was suppose to.

I have no idea what this blogpost is actually about. Just typing whatever that comes to my mind. I don't know how to explain all these thoughts to my friends. Sometimes I even feel that my friends don't understand me.

Okay beside all these chim weird thoughts which always pops up in my mind,I went shopping with Heidi today and I'm damn happy I bought a plaid shirt for $5. It wasn't the kind of pattern I wanted BUT the size is just nice which makes me thankful BECAUSE ... I'm fucking petite and big plaid shirts would just look unkempt and awful on my body. Although it got studs which made it very hipster-ish and ew-ish but I think I can pull the look off lah. No one will really go look at the studs right? LOLOLOL.

Walao I don't think anyone reads my blog but it's okay I'm just typing for the sake of it and pathetic me is stuck on level 8 of candy crush. I don't even find it fun sia but I feel very pekcek I cannot level up. Okay it's 12:45am now goodnight.

WAIT IF YOU WANNA STALK ME,CAN FOLLOW ME @xxZhiLingxx on Instagram or Twitter. ;)

Why is everything catered to your needs? Am I just someone for you to use to cater to your selfish vanity so you can flaunt your so called beauty built on lies and self deception to flaunt to the world?

Dear friend,

How are you? This fragment piece of memory in the back of your mind,misses you a lot. Have you ever thought me,with nostalgic feelings arising at night? Is missing you a habit? I wondered sometimes. With new people replacing old ones in your life,have the old you died off? You know,even though the magic's long gone,bits and bits of me still go back to it sometimes. I can't help it. I know my blog posts always hadn't got much details,except for him and him and him.

My life has been stagnant for the past few days. Quit my job because being busy for the 1/2 of the day doesn't prevents me from missing you.Actually it does,more or less. Missing sounds so overrated. I would say,digging up the tainted memories,reminiscing the old times which everyone has long forgotten.

You know,sometimes I wished I could give myself a brand new identity,go to some very very place where no one knows me.I no longer feel happy when I hang out with friends.I no longer have that vooom booom kaboom feeling inside like I want to do this,I want to do that. I don't even find things funny.

When you had a routine,a goal. You got tired of it but because everyone's chasing the same ball,you chased for the sake of it without really knowing where to score.And then you tried,you persevere,but you lost. ''Nah,it's okay. There's still a next chance.'' How do you carry on,fight even harder when you lost something you supposingly put so much work into,so much mental strength?

You just feel lost and don't want to continue. You know?

Friend,I'm so tired at times. I've been tired for years. And you freaking promised to be there to listen but you didn't.I always believe you would. You didn't. You left. Why. Am I too melodramatic for you. Am I such a tragedy to behold?

Yours Sincerely,
Z