Zimplicity;

I have removed my blog link from my social media sites for sometime already because I don't want people I'm not close with to read this private space of mine because sometimes other than releasing my emotions on the internet,i have no other means to do so.

I've stopped crying as I am typing this. I always believed and hope things will get better but I hate this phase of my life so much. It feels like everything is standing still and life will remain stinky and stagnant forever.

I go to school and come back home a different person. In school,I say ridiculous things and make people laugh. Sometimes I go all quiet and refuse to talk,participating in conversations only when I feel like it. I try my best to pay attention in class because everyone around me is so conscientious and I don't want to lose out. But then I know I have no motivation and what I'm doing is pretending. Pretending like how I always did in upper sec. Pretending and hoping maybe I will be motivated too. Sometimes in my mind all I wanted to do is to just go home and lie down on my bed and think about nothing.

When school ends,I go home and nap. That is my proper sleep time because I feel be so fucking tired I can't think of anything. And then use my phone and use and use and use and use. Sometimes I do my tutorial. And I continue using my phone till 1 am or 2am. Because I can't sleep with so many things weighing down on my mind.

I wonder if anyone know how it feels to shrivel and feel your soul dying away.

“What doesn’t kill you
leaves scars
ruins your lungs
dries out all your tears
leaves you lying awake at 4 in the morning
wishing you weren’t alive.”

—

C.C

Don't tell me stupid things to cheer up or some bull-crap after reading this. You don't know things I've been through so just mind your own business and leave me alone. I know very well I am not a very rationale person and I use a lot of my emotions to handle things. I am still in the midst of changing that and I don't need anyone to tell me so.