Want them so badly ^.^

Death ain't a solution.


You mean living half-alive is?

I'm rotting

I cannot seem to blog using my desktop,so here I am,blogging using my brother's laptop.
Have you ever felt how it's like to be aimless?
I did,every single day.
I want a pair of denim shorts.Cotton on is having a 50% sale and you know what?I saw a beautiful pair of denim shorts and it's like damn cheap,$10 i think or $5,cannot remember,and there's no size for me.Looks like this is the downside of being too skinny.

I visited a few girls blogs , all from Raffles Girls secondary school and I must say I finally know the difference between neighbourhood schools and prestigious schools.Their usage of language are really good and the way they think are really intellectual too.

No wonder majority of us failed English,there's really room for improvement.http://www.learnenglish.de/improvepage.htm
http://www.usingenglish.com/articles/70-ways-to-improve-your-english.html

It's 10.48pm now,shall stop blogging.Do tag if you do read this blog because my cbox is getting dead. :)

Moaning and complaining,I feel so much better now.
LOOI JIA WEN!
Told me can work hard for EOY blahblahblah,in the end just because of a few sentences Ms Ong said,you cried!
HELLO?
I failed amaths and physics to the rockbottom and emaths too and I never cry leh!
At most I emo and grumble here and complain only!
Must stay strong okay!
You're my little ray of sunshine,must be happy forever!
Sorry if I snapped at you recently,bad mood uh.Been a bitch to practically those who's nice to me.

I'm a failure in life.

F9 for amaths.
F9 for physics.
c5 for chemistry.


I'm a failure,failure,failure.

What's the fucking point of being good in humanities???
So what I'm the top student in combined humanites?
It can't fucking get me anywhere in life.
I failed my maths and science.

I'm so disappointed in chemistry.So much careless mistakes.

I feel so low that I can't feel anything at all.

Failure.Failure.Failure.That's who I am gonna be.

Wake up call.

Ms Ong came in our class and started babbling.
Turns out 19 of my classmates failed Social Studies.
''... blahblah wake up call,and the only distinction in this class is Zhi Ling.''
I broke into a smile instantly,like who isn't happy to be in the top of class for something?
It made my day seriously,but I didn't get the A1 I wanted.
16/25 for SBQ and 19/25 for SEQ.
Which is like 35/50 , A2.

POA was kind of awesome too. A1. :D and a high one too.Well,but everyone got good grades for POA.

Mood was totally slammed when it's emaths.I thought I would at least pass emaths.I failed.
Paper 1 -> 43/80
Paper 2 -> 39/100

FUCK THIS SHIT. I got tuition you know!!! See-ing Hariz and Ezza cry didn't make me feel better.Plus Ms Smarty Pants JiaWen got highest in the class. Looking at Mr Lim's disappointed face made me feel even worse. I flipped through the papers and there's a lot of blanks and ''careless''. I want to bang the wall and slap myself so freaking badly.

My mood didn't turn better when it was the time to check higher Chinese. I thought I did well,a B3 or better. I got B4. 62.8 I think. Well,maybe my composition pulled me down,I used to get 49.. And I got 43 only this time round.

I wanted to shout FUCK YOU to my English teacher,I was so irritated.She was tallying our marks using that 2 periods,like seriously? She could have done it earlier,waste our time!! And I was so confident for English and it was a fucking direct slap to my own face,I scored 9/25 for my comprehension.Overall c6.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

Tomorrow is gonna be even worser.
There's checking of History,Chemistry,Physics and Amaths.
And I confirm plus chop fail Physics and Amaths.
I hope I can pass Chemistry seriously.
Sigh.
PLEASE PLEASE let me have an A for History,I really need it.

I can go shoot myself now,bye.



Just a short msn conversation between Vetina and me.
Vetina Lin says
It's okayyyyyy.
Dn't be sad!
You've tried your best, didn't you?
(:
Low Zhi Ling says
no i didn't.

Notice my font colours?
Orange = positive
Blue=Negative

OH GOD. I DON'T WANNA RETAIN.

Failure and fears.

The diagram above reminds me of karma.'' What comes around goes around.'' Okay enough about that.I find that diagram damn true,it's like a never ending cycle.I have been escaping reality for the past few days,going out and having fun. Fooling myself to the extent that I really believed I'm happy.

I denied reality and I freak out.
I freak out and I denied reality.

It's like results tomorrow.I don't need to check.
I already know I failed Amaths and Physics.
I was a typical good student all these years..
I have never failed mainstream subjects in my entire life before.
The only subjects I have failed is Geography in secondary one,which is like 2 years ago.
I'm already fucking scared,I have no right to be but.. thinking about confirming the failure with my own eyes and the thought that I have wasted my parent's money for tuition kind of upset me.

Screw my emotions.
Why ain't I a stubborn and determined person?That way,I'll top the class.
Why ain't I strong?

I always strive for perfection. Which is why,either I do something with focus and perfection or not do it at all totally.I always tend to give up cause what I do is always not perfect enough.

I hated school due to lots of reasons.
I always have this tendency of comparing myself.
Compare my looks,compare my studies,compare my personality.
It gets so depressing at times.

Things gets even worse ,given my paranoid and insecure nature.
Few people really understand me and I lock myself up sometimes,I don't really like to let people inside my life.My tendency to slide towards depression and my tendency to over think brought me problems this year.

I might retain seriously.

D: