The diagram above reminds me of karma.'' What comes around goes around.'' Okay enough about that.I find that diagram damn true,it's like a never ending cycle.I have been escaping reality for the past few days,going out and having fun. Fooling myself to the extent that I really believed I'm happy.
I denied reality and I freak out.
I freak out and I denied reality.
It's like results tomorrow.I don't need to check.
I already know I failed Amaths and Physics.
I was a typical good student all these years..
I have never failed mainstream subjects in my entire life before.
The only subjects I have failed is Geography in secondary one,which is like 2 years ago.
I'm already fucking scared,I have no right to be but.. thinking about confirming the failure with my own eyes and the thought that I have wasted my parent's money for tuition kind of upset me.
Screw my emotions.
Why ain't I a stubborn and determined person?That way,I'll top the class.
Why ain't I strong?
I always strive for perfection. Which is why,either I do something with focus and perfection or not do it at all totally.I always tend to give up cause what I do is always not perfect enough.
I hated school due to lots of reasons.
I always have this tendency of comparing myself.
Compare my looks,compare my studies,compare my personality.
It gets so depressing at times.
Things gets even worse ,given my paranoid and insecure nature.
Few people really understand me and I lock myself up sometimes,I don't really like to let people inside my life.My tendency to slide towards depression and my tendency to over think brought me problems this year.
I might retain seriously.
D:
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