happy 2014 to all

Reading my old blog posts,I feel like I have seen myself grow as a person. There are certain things I could have handled better,for example relationships and my attitude towards studies. I was so unhappy back then and even though the environment is less stressful,I felt like I was competing and struggling so badly.2012 was horrendous as I spent way too much time thinking about my future and what could have beens and yeap,I went to the wrong route eventually and I gave up. I was so worn out from everything and I just decided to deal with whatever shit that comes my way.

Given a chance to go back,I would definitely tell myself not to stress over O levels. Yes,it is a national exam. Yes,it ought to be taken seriously but making your mental health go haywire is definitely not worth it. I felt like a zombie going to school and each day I wake up,wanting the day to end. I didn't really study a lot to be truthful and I deserved the points I've gotten I think.

I'm lazy to blog and there's only 6 minutes left so I shall copy and past my FB status here,

We often looked back on past years and hoped for the years to come to be a better one.We said,''Be good to me,201X.'' But most of the times we want to year to pass quickly and lament that current year was a bad one.

I've spent half of 2013 or more than half of 2013 on vacations and it almost felt surreal that 2013 is coming to an end. 2013 taught me so much and I'm genuinely grateful for the new people I've gotten to know this year and thankful that my old friends are still in my life.(You know who you are)

I've made special effort to reconnect with old friends this year because I feel that there has got to be someone taking initiatives to catch up,to reminisce old times and embrace past moments.

'' My new classmates/friends has taught me that warmth can still exist in a group of people and it is possible to share,to be kind to each other as classmates. I never really gotten to experience that in 2012.

I felt so much happier in 2013 than in 2012 which was suffocating.I felt more like myself and I got to do things I wanted although it may seem reckless at times.

Apologize to people if you have to,talk to people if it helps you to sleep better at night. Let go of things that makes you unhappy because you are in charge of your own life. Bear less grudges and forgive those who had hurt you because remember there is such thing call karma. Enjoy the last day of 2013 and may 2014 be better for everyone! Cheers to a new year ahead! ''


Thank you Vetina LiYing Syafiqah Saif for being there to watch me grow up. May our friendship continue till we get dentures and all wrinkly.
Thank you Yunxuan JianXing Puaylin Jiawen Heidi for being the best thing that ever happened to me in secondary school
You guys are very special to me!!

For anyone reading this feeling lost and confused,we will always be lost and confused in life,whether you like it or not but someday things will eventually get better. Because if it's not better,it's the end yet. :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.

And thank you,for helping me let go of what I ought to long ago

Christmas Eve and Christmas 2013

I know my posts are getting lesser and lesser but it's because I'm becoming more and more lazy! Even on Dayre which is suppose to be very convenient for blogging,I tend to procrastinate and not blog on the day itself hehe. For those who follow on Dayre,you can skip this post because I would basically be posting the same photos!

Christmas Eve

 Celebrated my Christmas eve with my secondary school friends at Pasir Ris park! It's a tradition for PuayLin and Jianxing and me to come here every year but Yunxuan joined us this year! The more the merrier!

Before we went to Pasir Ris park,it was raining and I'm like FML because I really want to go cycling and I thought we would end up watching a movie but thank god the rain cleared up! We had Pizza Hut at Northpoint beforehand!

That is PL's chicken pasta on the top and YX's prawn pasta on the left and my turkey bacon cabonara on the right! JianXing didn't eat because he was sick and broke. #badluckjx

I think this deserves another mention because I always order this at Pasta Mania even though people find it cheesy but this.. at Pizza Hut,is DA SEXZ MAN. It's worth every penny. My plate is sparkling clean that day. For those who love bacon or likes cheese,you all should totally order this!!

Damn cui my hair and face LOL I think there's a better pic somewhere but pls just make do with this. #biker #punk #sports #nature #thisisnotinstagram #lame

It's damn fun to cycle with friends except that I'm always the last hehehe. YX and PL rented the couple bike cause YX don't know how to cycle and I was like shouting,''Biene,Oppa!'' It means sorry,sweetheart in Hangul because it reminds me of scenes in dramas. It's damn funny cause we were pretending that YX and JX were the main casts and PL and me were the workers. And my voice would always trail behind because I cycle super slow HAHAHA. and they will turn behind occasionally to rush me and check on me if i'm lost or anything

Basically this is it! A little history about our friendship! JianXing and I were from the same primary school but we weren't friends at all and have never been in the same class,maybe except mother tongue during some years. All four of us were in the same class during lower secondary and that's how we met and the three of them were in the same class for 4 years except me. I was in another class during upper sec (miserable times I wouldn't want to recall actually). So grateful to have them in my life,5 years already! I know next year we won't have much chance to meet up as both PL and JX will be taking their A levels. :((

Christmas

 Had dinner at Breeks Cafe at Habourfront centre!

 From left to right (for readers who don't know me!) LiYing,me,Vetina and Syafiqah

  

Drumlets and softshell crabs. Personally I don't like eating drumlets in restaurents because it's not shiok and I have to use my utensils. I prefer eating with my hands. But must act yi ge sophisticated what. LOLOLOL. Yay soft shell crabs! The first time I eat was with my drama friends and I even asked JinKheng,''How to take out the meat ah?'' LOLOLOL I didn't know you can eat everything on its own.

This is Liying's pasta. Wanted to order this at first but I had pasta the day before so I decided not to. Had a bite and I thank god I didn't order this because it tastes like olive oil. ~.~

Syafiqah's seafood pasta.. Not sure if it's good though but yeah..

Both Vetina and I ordered this! The chips were kinda dry for me and the chicken chop was okay I suppose,nothing special. 

So this basically sums up my christmas!!

Painful to know you could actually doubt that friendship. If only you could just let go of hatred and forgive people,life would be so much easier. And I tried so hard this year to make it up to you,even defending you when he said really nasty stuff about you at the expense of our whatsapp conversation in the coldest atmosphere and all I got back was doubts. 

Why can't everyone just get along peacefully?Or must I really lose that one friend in order to have peace in my life? It upsets me to know that I am causing someone so much misery and it was never my intention to. 

You might feel hurt but please understand that there are circumstances for me to. He hates you. I have no fucking idea why. And the other party wants to cut all ties with you since 2009. What am I suppose to do? Pull you into some fake pretentious friendship? 

I tried to be friends because I know how it feels like to feel so abandoned and so hateful towards people all the time because that was how I felt in 2007. All chained up and miserable. 

Find forgiveness and let go of hatred and I hope you will be happier. You might find this post bloody pretentious but I mean every single fucking word I said. 

Truth is out

The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off. 

Never in my life,I've met someone this scheming. Pushing people down to get where you want to go. I'm glad I had that conversation with him because the truth is out. 

You have never treated me as friend. All along I was one of your chess pieces,a tool to defend yourself.You told me he was immature but you are even more. I have lost all respect and trust towards you. 

I may be younger than you,but it doesn't mean you have the right to manipulate me this way. I hope someday you will realize how stupid your actions are and remember karma is a bitch,it will come back and bite you harder than you can ever imagine.

Thanks for teaching me a lesson about trust and I hope you can sleep well at night without your conscience pricking you. 

Whoever say time heals must not have lost someone before. Either that they didn't love the person hard enough. 

Went to your blogger profile and realized you've deleted your blogs. All of them. Now I have no traces of you left. I miss you. 

Very short update

Hadn't really have the time to update but if you would like to catch up with me,you can follow me on Twitter or Instagram,my username is @xxzhilingxx !

I also update frequently on Dayre which is a new blogging platform! My username is xxzhilingxx as well!!

Have a good December ya all!

A note for you.

They say,once in a lifetime,you'll meet a very special person in your life. I don't know if you're the one but.. you're the only one that can bring me all these emotions. Guilt,pain,regret,sorrow,comfort,reassurance.

Us being strangers,or just ''friends'',it is inevitable. It is an irreversible process. We both grow along the years and understand that things can't go back no matter how badly we want to.

I wanted to talk to you badly but I don't know. Barriers oh barriers,I don't know how long much time it will take for that wall to be gone.

You'll always be someone special to me.