I fell on Monday and guess what?I fell again today.Seriously who will fall 2 times in 3 days?
I'm so dumb can.



D: God's way of testing me.I can endure pain okay.

At least I feel more alive.

I would rather feel the pain physically then emotionally.

To Ms Low Zhi Ling,
From,Ms Low Zhi Ling

Little surges of happiness

My apologies for not updating,it's kinda pointless anyway,considering the fact people seldom tag my blog.

Anyway,I went to Saif's birthday celebration today.It was kinda awkward at first as his secondary school friends were there too.It's like we are separated into two groups at first.His secondary school friends in one group and Fouzy,LiYing and me in another.After a while,his friends went down while Fouzy,LiYing and me begin to eat.

Saif came up and told us that his friends said we were weird and anti-social.Cause we kinda keep to ourselves.Like hello?You expect us to start the conversation first?And you guys also never start any conversations with us.So we decided to show how we socialise and how friendly we were.We prepared water bombs and sneaked up.And.... WE THREW IT AT THEM WHAHAHAA.
Enough of words,let the pictures do the talking now.I forgot to take a photo of his birthday cake but its chocolate.It's kinda too sweet for my liking.
From left to right, LiYing-Fouzy-Me-Saif.
Vetina had CCA and did not turn up at that moment.
Group photo of everyone.Left side primary school.Right side secondary school.We went to Northpoint after that.One of the photos taken in KFC.They look emo LOL. Perfect timing or what? Side profile view of Miss Vetina Lin.I love this kind of cheese. It's awesome dipping your french fries or popcorn chicken into it.I'll never get sick of it.I didn't know you could buy 1 small tub of it for $1 at KFC.I'm so gonna buy it next time!
I'm the shortest.See LiYing bend down to match my height? -.-
Sometimes I wished I was taller.I would be really really happy if I can grow up to 160cm.For your information,I'm 155cm now.Yes,SHORT.

I don't like my face in this photo.My nose is too triangularish and my teeth isn't white and straight enough like those in dental adverts.My face is an unhealthy glow and my bangs are kinda screwed up.My eyes are too small like typical Chinese. I sound like a stupid bimbo who can't stop complaining about my facial features,I know.But this is me since primary school.I can't stand myself sometimes too.
I haven't felt this happy for ages.This simple happiness.My usual days this year are embraced with emptiness,loneliness,insecurities,fears.

I get insecure easily.Insecure about my looks,insecure about my friendships with other people,insecure about my studies,insecure about this and that.I get jealous easily too.I'm not afraid to reveal my flaws here,cause that's who I am.There's no use hiding your flaws because no matter how you hide it from people,you can't hide it from yourself.
I borrowed this book from Manisha. I watched this movie last year but the experience of reading it and watching the movie is totally different.I think I am going to save up for this book,would totally love to own it.It gives me insights about life and made me realize little things about life.

Shall stop rambling now.It's 12.25am already.

I'm insecure.

And I hate feeling this way.Maybe I just can't adapt to change.
Why do I get scared so easily?
Why do I get distracted easily?
Why do I find it so hard to stay focus?

I need to stop thinking so much,it's a horrible cycle.

It's Monday tomorrow.
I'm tired even before it's started.
I have been overthinking for so many months.
In 2009,I used laughter to conceal.
I don't know if I can continue to do it this year.
Even random things can't seem to make laugh anymore.

Emptiness and insecurities overwhelming me.
Sometimes it's like no one understand me at all.
I talked to myself again and again,
and guess what?
Sometimes I don't even understand myself at all.

A brain full of junk.

Bring it on.

Dear World,

So here’s the thing: I have no fucking clue what I’m doing half the time. I avoid my homework then stress the night before it’s due. I’m pretty sure more than half the time I won’t get a job doing what I love after college, so I’ll have to take a day job to pay off my thousands of dollars in student debt. Sometimes, I feel like no one will ever understand me, that the guys will always chooses the bitches over me, and that I will end up living alone in a cold apartment with my 72 cats and end up losing my toes to frostbite because I rarely wear socks with my flats.

But I’m not giving up. Because I’m too fucking stubborn. Because I want to make something of my life. Because I want to spend my life writing, even if that means I spend my entire life questioning my writing abilities. Because I want to be someone others can depend on, because I want to make a difference. Because I want to get married and have kids, so I can teach them how to blow bubbles, chase pigeons, eat play-doh, and make the cheesiest jokes possible, the kind that make people smile even as they shake their heads.

Because I want to look back on my life and know that I lived.

So bring it on, world.

I’m ready.

Okay I admit I copied and pasted this from Tumblr.LOL.

Today I saw him playing piano.

Reminds me of last year how I used to catch a glimpse of him in the canteen or walk past his class.

How I looked forward to our msn conversations , how much courage I had to pluck out before sending him a text message.


Can you even miss liking someone?I think I just miss the feeling thats all.

Your name,forever the name on my lips

So yeah,I swallowed a fish bone and it's stuck in my throat.Great or what.
March holidays for me= Homework,extra lessons and CCA.
:(


Anyway,I watched this today.
When Yunxuan told me it's about werewolf,I was like,''oh no,another boring movie.''
But it turns out really great.
Peter so sweet can.
LOL. I mean even after Valerie go stab him,he still go save her.
Highly doubt that would happen in real life.

Okay,this is a short post.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :)

Lazy saturday today.
KFC for lunch with compliments from my aunt<3

Currently blogging on my brother's laptop.

Been thinking about the Japan's earthquake.
So many lives lost:(

I wanna travel around the world badly.

Front stage vs Back stage

So today was Parent-Teacher Meeting day,
but my parents didn't come as they aren't required.
I didn't even feel like waking up for today at all.
Woke up and slept again.

Must say I'm quite satisfied and shocked at my results.

English- C6
Higher Chinese- A2
A-maths- A2
Maths- A1
Science (Chemistry + Physics) - B4
Combined Humanities-(SS + History) - A1
Principles of Accounts -A1


C6. I feel very very very disappointed. It's the worst score I ever got for English in my entire life.I mean my entire school life. 53.3!!!!!!!! Holy crap! I nearly failed it!! I need to thank my English teacher,seriously.

I did pretty well for Chemistry but Physics pulled me down.I am very afraid I will fail Physics this year.

It's the best results I have ever gotten so far.. First time so many As and I received a ''well done'' from Mr Chin:D

LOL but the thing is,it's CA1 only and the reason I did well is because of daily assignments. -.-

But no matter how much effort I put in,no matter how well I do,they never sees it.

CCA at 1pm today.So after collecting my results, I went to eat breakfast with Heidi at Chongpang's McDonald.Walked around the whole ChongPang till 12 plus.Talked a lot about life and school and future.

She told me I was her backstage friend.
Because we're both in the same class for higher Chinese,there's this comprehension in a test we did before.. It's about how the front stage and the backstage is just like your life.The front stage is your proud glory,where you shines,your smiling face and it also portrays the best image of yourself.However,the backstage is where you get prepared,get all hot and bothered,a place where you rest,let your unhappiness out.

The backstage is a place that everyone needs to have.In order to perform your best,you need a backstage.Maybe I showed too much of my backstage at times.

CCA surprisingly was alright.
Sat with John on the way to ACJC.
ACJC was fucking cold!!
I mean it!I was shivering like mad and my knees trembled non-stop!!
My junior was like '' are you sure you alright?'' cause I was so cold to the extent that I can't move and I just sat against the wall.
Then after that,Shahira hugged me and I feel slightly warmer.
Also need to thank the jacket.
And there's this funny part where i was rubbing and clasping my hands together.. and Jinkheng was like'' eh,you praying to Mother Teresa ah?''
And he mimic me, Raj and I and himself laughed like mad..



That moment today warmed me.
But I do wondered whether I did something wrong.


This world is dyinggggggggggg.:-(

Sports Carnival today.
Got 45th in position LOL.
I was 54th in 2009.
After that,went to watch Big Momma;Like father,like son
It's hilarious and I loved the musical parts:)


Awkward moments. :(
Here's to silence that cuts me to the core.

I miss you and I don't know why.

Mixed feelings.
I tried to push it away,tried to reject him again and again but I failed.
Could my coach actually be correct?I'm escaping cause I don't want the stress and responsibility.
I really don't like adding stress to myself.Because I know how it feels like to break into tiny pieces.I don't like committing to things when I know I can't.What should I do? :(
Be brave and accept,bring myself loads of stress or be a coward and reject but stay happy?I am scared.Don't know which direction to take.

I hide in the toilet for a long time just now during school.

You see it as giving me a chance,a chance to step out,a chance to shine,a chance to change.
I see it as adding more stress,taking away my happiness.

Brendon was playing with my pony tail today,darn,i know I'm short okay.I WAS LIKE''NO EYES AHAHHAHA''.Then after that little episode with my coach,my mood gone all low and moody.No mood talk at all. ''Eh why you so emo.'' ''nothing lah.''

Obviously nothing.Cause if i continue talking i might cry.

Remembered last August?

Fuck scary.Don't want the same thing to happen.

Yes I am afraid of how people judge me.
Yes I am scared to ruin the entire thing.
Yes I don't like the words stress and responsibility.


Someone tell me what to do.

I love fashion photography.



I always get monday blues and I don't know why.
Term 1 is gonna be over soon.
7 more terms and I'll be done with high school.
Endure,endure.
Can't wait to go out with Syafiqah this sunday. <3


Nothing much to look forward to.
If I can survive 2010,I can survive 2011 as well.

I bet you don't know I am trying so hard to breathe.