Zimplicity;

It seems like I need to wake up but I'm lost in this deep deep maze.
Sometimes it scares me,retaining.
But at times,it doesn't even scare me at all and that's what scare me,not being afraid.
Weird theory huh?
I fucking hate physics and I meant it from the bottom of my heart,I hate those stupid equations,I hate how other people can understand it but I can't.I hate how boring it is,I hate how senseless it is.I hate the fact I picked physics over biology.Whats wrong with me?Picking something I'm completely not interested in to get better grades? F9 LOL?

I honestly don't know how I'm going to scrape through this year,I'm a lazy ass I swear.
I would rather do Amaths than Physics. Plus my Chemistry sucks too. I hate science.Why must they make us study Science? It's not like I'm going to be a doctor or a scientist or an engineer in the future. Work done = force X distance and velocity and acceleration and whatever shit. Plus carbon monoxide and covalent bonding and whatever. I'm going to forget all this crap once I graduate from AISS so what's the point?What's the point of studying all this?

No one knows how scared I am. I don't know to to tell my insecurities to anymore.I don't know if they are secretly judging me inside.The thought of them judging me is simply too much to bear and I'll rather keep those thoughts to myself,kill myself with it.You want the truth? Truth is I'm already dead.

I'm no longer laughing like how I did in sec one and two.My mind is always filled with worries and schoolwork and the future.The pit-black future.When I confide in people,I used to feel better.Cause I told them 100% what's upsetting me.But now,I don't. Maybe just a teeny weeny bit.I don't like perceiving myself as a weak person. I'm weak. I know it myself. I have so many flaws,I get tired easily,I'm not as hardworking or as determined as others,I'm lazy,I'm not pretty,I'm not confident enough.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to tell everything to. Sometimes,friends tell you,''I'll be there to listen.'' But are they really listening? Can you listen to me talk for hours without getting tired?Can you don't judge me?

Sometimes I just got sick of life,I just go school,do whatever that's required of me and wait for school to end.I'm there physically but I'm somewhere inside my head,lost.I try to concentrate on what's the teacher is talking about and I end up,in my own thoughts again.

Sometimes I feel so useless and stupid,really.
#Lowselfesteem

I really can't wait to get out of secondary school sometimes.I have not completed my homework,forget it,I'm not in the mood.I'm always not in the mood to study.What to do for o levels? Sigh.

See?I'm such a procrastinator,such a lazy pig. Amaths seem slightly better,Mr Aw is starting to talk and ''explain'' more.Even though his English still sucks.I took YunXuan and PuayLin's advice,I copied his examples and actually attempt his homework. *A round of applause please* I can actually understand! Heehee.

But I didn't do his homework today,lazy.Shall do it tomorrow instead.It feels so good to be blogging.I have words inside me,it feels so good. It feels so much bertter than emptiness.

I always believed things will get better. I really hope so. They said when you have faith,anything is possible.I hope it's possible to get B for Amaths this year,if it's c5 also can.It beats seeing an F right? I hope I can actually like physics and chemistry,and get B for them.I hope I'll be happier in life instead of a miserable wilted flower who's constantly scared of this and that,complaining about this and that.

Last of all,I hope I will always have courage within me.