Questions of thought

 I think my blog is better off being wordy and non-commercialized. I feel more me. Actually it has never been commercialized but like a platform to showcase my life but I don't think I need any more platforms to do so. I've hadn't been updating much on Instagram lately either.

My friend got attached recently. I won't say who. But LOL I've always expected me to be the first. It hadn't exactly been a shock to me but it is quite surprising actually.

I asked her a question,how do you know if you like someone? A question schools have never really taught us. Unless you count those stupid life lessons which doesn't really teach us anything. She gave me standard answers,''Your heart will beat very fast.'' , ''you will only have eyes for him in a crowd''. Those very Tumblr answers. But then one thing she said really made sense,the person will make you happy.

To be honest,I have been utterly confused between the need for affection and liking someone.

The question of self worth pops up to me so very often,especially at this age whereby I am transiting into an adult. I'm turning 18 in October and even though I'm still a teenager but I'm turning into an adult really soon. Like say 3 years time? Then again it is a question of how you see time. Some see 3 years really fast while for some it's a slow painful 1095 days.

The thoughts at 13/14 and the thoughts of 17 are very different. I think my thoughts are too mature for my age and actually I'm a little teensy weensy ashamed of it. People my age enjoy the ride and take things at it is,absorbing every immense emotion a relationship brings. For me,the answer is no. I'm definitely looking for something more. I don't plunge into relationships as much as I yearn to because my level of pain tolerant is very low.Besides that,I feel that one has to be independent emotionally and know one's self worth before you are in a relationship. The problems with too many couples,is that they are too dependent on their partners and they need someone to validate them as a person. Shouldn't a relationship be there to enhance your life and like what my friend mentioned,to make you happy? 

LOL wtf this post is like my general selective module on effective communication but there are just some input on how I feel. After a talk with that friend,I somehow understand what I feel better. Bleah at this age I need to handle things with maturity and do things with rationale. Sucks to grow up. On a side note,it will be so cool if they lasts till they get married. I will be the happiest friend on earth and I might even get to tell their kid the embarrassing things the couple do when they were in class back then. hahaha wtf i think too much. Good night LOL.